Right now, as I continually prolong my struggles with existence, I have three dogs questioning my every action, two that are weary of my motions and one that shows complete faith in me. It is funny how quickly they gain, loss and regain interest in whatever you happen to be doing. I feel like I do the same thing to a certain degree. You know, hop from one thought to another. Only my jumps seem to deal with the mental realm more so than with the physical realm.
Another responsibility of mine idles, aimlessly to the right of me, that responsibility being my car. I swear this machine, of which I highly depend upon, seems to be more trouble than what it is worth. I constantly have to repair this or that. For instance, right now I am hopefully sealing a leak/crack that has been expelling coolant at an alarming rate for the past few days. I really hope this works but giving the way my luck goes, I am sure I will have it in the shop within the week. Thus being down and out another four to five hundred dollars that I have yet to earn. Well it is not as bad as I make it out but the thing that really gets to me is that I am highly confident that I take good care of this beast. Although, the trouble I have with it makes me think otherwise.
To be honest the whole situation has got me down. Well it is not the only reason; I just think it was the thing that has pushed me over the edge. This whole weekend, my mind has been become preoccupied with the thoughts that, I believe, plague the eternally damned, if such beings exists. It is hard to explain, but these feelings destroyed, or are about to destroy, the precious equilibrium that I have established over the past few years. I just feel out of whack. The inconceivable has once again thrown my life into disarray. Perhaps, I am just letting stress get to me a little too much.
Oh well, it shall all work out one-way or another. Other than this little rut I have falling into tonight, this weekend has not been too bad. I actually kept myself from spending an ungodly amount of time playing video games (which I am highly proud of). Lets see, Friday night, I went out, downtown, for the first times in weeks. Saturday, I ran around outside for about three hours then ended up going to shoot guns. (That of which I was completely horrible at.) I tell you I don’t like doing new things around others, especially when whatever it is puts the group’s focus directly upon you.
One last thing I wanted to comment on before logging off, is the reappearance of a desire to rid myself of as many materials goods as I could. Today, I actual came to agreement that I could do without most of the things I own. Basically, I came to the conclusion that I could do without everything except, one of my computers, the internet, my bed, clothes, and books. Away with my television, ipod, 2nd computer, boxes of junk, and my car. Sike! I could not think of a way to make do without my car, well at least not in my current situation But if there arises an opportunity...Good bye mysterious break downs, high repair bills, and Adios to my very own personal black hole that guzzles nothing but gasoline.
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