Dave Johnson - Dampen the Spirits

I tried getting some sleep about an hour and a half ago. The clock hit midnight about 15 minutes ago, so technically it is Saturday but I feel like be a bit of a rebel so I am logging this entry in as Friday the 30^th. Not like it really matters too much. Anyways, I have lots on my mind that I just wanted to unleash. Work is still dreadfully boring and unchallenging. My social life has basically hit a brick wall. I have a highly depressing amount of debt. I feel shackled downed, unable to move, breathe, and in a sense live. I worried about what other people thing of me too much. I do not do what pleases me. I eat unhealthy foods. I take the easy way out sometimes. I sacrifice reason for comfort and pleasure. I am not in control. I am lost. I am alone.

I have always dreamed of living a long and plentiful life. I have envisioned how great it will be an old man, full of knowledge, insane antics and the idol of my children and grandchildren. Living 80+ years was going to be a wonderful thing. It was something to look forward to. The tree of life blossomed in front of me, but I feel victim to its forbidden fruit. I allowed myself to become what pleased others and not what pleased me. I settle for what me peers found interesting, and I was comfortable doing so.

I dreamed of playing soccer. I practiced twice a day, worked at it as hard as I could. I got pretty damn good. I had coaches tell me that I understood the game and had a chance to play professionally. I excelled at every position I played. I was aggressive, I never gave up. I loved every second of it. At my peak, I acquired a spot on the state U-18 team. Unfortunately, around this same time, I broke a small bone in my foot and began doing other things. My interest dwindled and I decided to follow my friends to college rather than trying to play for a school somewhere. I regret this decision to this day.

Happiness is like a mirage in this dessert of a life. I wander aimlessly through this wasteland, searching for an unquenchable desire, only to be disillusioned by blissful false visions. Sometimes I become entranced for days, sometimes for weeks, other times for months. Who am I? My eyes are bleeding but no one seems to care.

What am I to do? I live in a world of too many people. Hedonists, parasites, tourists, I am done with them all. I need a change. I am truly unhappy but have no answers. I am finished.

Disintegrate the Emancipated

Contemplation, aspiration, and inspiration violently react amongst the inner seclusion of my own precious claim to that which is space and that which is time. All three never seem to rest or resist the actions of the other. Constantly I struggle. Constantly they pry. Once again, I am lost in my own self-being.

Life trickles forth from the faucet of time, feeding me steadily, promoting the mystifying altercations of the realm within. There, the pain of exhaustion is a familiar acquaintance, the ripples amongst it’s face, the smell of it’s protruding edges of glass that rip into my world, tearing it into stray. The lashes from its whips dissolve into the stricken flesh, allowing for the repetitive blows to be just as excruciating as each one’s predecessor. Concentration conceals the anguish of such a tortured soul. Mediation presents the façade, behold.

Ever intuitive, highly evolved, substantially intelligent, physically in charge, mentally sound, these are the personal properties that make dave go round.

Each day I struggle to struggle once more. Please forgive for what I do and do not deplore.

Stand Down You Delicious Morsels

Yeah, so the daily entry thing has not really worked out all that well in the past, let’s say, two weeks. To be honest, I am not exactly sure what all my time was exhausted doing but I can promise you that it was doing things that would qualify as no less than exciting. Excitement may not be the proper word for what seems at times a mundane life. I am not too sure what the proper word is for it. For how can one be sure of such a trivial thing if he is not even sure of where he is in his career, who he has become, or what he is to make of this voyage labeled life. But I think I am getting there, hopefully. I just need to allow myself to be myself.

I read a very interesting book this weekend, and no it was not my typical science fiction novel. This book was more of a spiritual slash philosophical inquiry into the realm of humanity. It was a very interesting read, and I believe I learned a few things from it. To me, the book guides you towards a state of self-enlightenment. Helping you focus on the reason behind the vast array of human emotions, bondage, and entanglements. Do what you do to live, want not what is unnecessary, and love for the sake of loving not to be loved. All in all, it was great to read a piece of literature that allows you to grow spiritually without it being tainted by one of the authoritarian religious powers of the world that, in my opinion, demoralizes the divinity of the individual spirit and idealizes our passions for greed, corruption and absolute power.

I started back on another book this weekend, well basically just today. It’s the one that gives a wonderfully explanation of human biological functions and reactions. I read a really interesting segment on insulin and sugar. It really opens your eyes to all the junk you shove down your throat, I can’t believe how ungodly unhealthy we, as a society, have become. Less than 100 years ago, the average American’s insulin level was about 5 5 ng/dL, now it is over 20ng/dL. This is a drastic increase and it can be directly seen in our society’s populous, just check out those mounds of stored fat around our midsections. This increase in insulin is a direct result from the increase of sugar consumption, that of which the average American consumes 152 lbs a year, which sounds like a lot to me. The book does not clearly state if that number is for each person or all people in generally. It seems to low to be the number consumed by everyone, and it also seems extremely high to be the amount consumed by each individual.

Whatever that number stands for, clearly we need to be more aware of what we consume that is if you care to live forever. (This book is titled Fantastic Voyage: Life Long Enough to Life Forever.) The book also explained that as we consume sugar, our body stimulates the pancreas to produce insulin through the use of islet cells. As the islet cells produce insulin, the consumed sugar begins to circulate the body through the blood stream, allowing for all of our cells to have access to the energy stored in sugar. Unfortunately, our cells are incapable of absorbing, binding, or consuming sugar and require the help of another molecule (I think it may be a protein) called insulin. The insulin binds to cell membranes, which provides a gateway, in a sense, for sugar molecules to enter a cell in order to be utilized or stored as energy. This process is wonderful and completely necessary, but like all things it must maintain a vital equilibrium. When excess sugar is in the blood stream, the insulin production spikes to makes use of this sugar. Too much insulin raises the blood pressure, increases body fat, and allows for fluid retention and hormone imbalances. Not too healthy if you ask me.

Well, it’s been a nice and relaxing weekend. A little on the uneventful side but at least I was able to get my running in. (12 miles in three days, not too shabby.) I really wish I could have spent some time with a special someone but that’s not always possible, especially when long distances separate the two of you. Hopefully, this upcoming extended weekend will allot for some time spent with her. Anyways, off to start the nightly graveyard route, someone has got to make sure that no new zombie outbreaks occur.

Bioenergy : Corn Infractions

I spent a few hours today going over some old notes from one of my favorite classes. Now, I don’t usually sit around and study class notes from over two years ago, only occasionally, when I am not hunting zombies. Actually, the reasoning behind this is that I have decided to digitize all my old school notes and I just so happened to stumble upon a very interesting section entitled Bioenergy.

Bioenergy refers, in very simple terms, to renewable energy that is supplied from biological processes. Another term that is commonly used in place of bioenergy is biofuels. Unless you have been living under a rock in a very deep hole that had no ladder for escape, you probably have heard and know a little about biofuels. It probably started with the hype about their great potential, then information on government subsidies for those who will produce biofuels from form, and finally the debates on the objections to using such fuels as a replacement of oil. These objections focus upon the use of corn crop as the providing stock of biomass for energy retrieval and how much land area is needed to provide for the average daily energy demands. All of which were included in my notes that were based off a few studies from back in 2002.

These notes of mine detailed a very complex sustainability problem that derives and explains how to determine the required acreage per year per person of corn which would be required to provide the energy necessary for our current energy demands. To save some time, the data from two years ago showed that corn would require 6.81 acres per person per year, which mind you is a lot. Let’s look at my current state of residency, South Carolina, and see just how much land is available per person. There is about 30,109 square miles of land, approximately 4,167,183 people in the state. By running the proper calculations this would give a total of 4.6 acres available per person. Not nearly enough to provide for the necessary fields of corn. Also, remember that the 6.81 acres required is based on the condition that we utilize the whole plant, both the grain and stover, to provide for our food and liquid energy needs. In reality the 6.81 acres would be much higher since we can’t use 100% of the stover because if we did we would run the land “to death”, in a sense, by not allowing proper nutrients to decay back into the soil.

Here is another interesting calculation that was included in my notes; it has to do with the total energy demanded per person. It uses carbon from grain as the source of 40% of the total energy and methane from algae as the source of 60% of the total energy. The results showed that in order to produce 40% of the energy from carbon grain it would require 5.25 acres, while in order to produce 60% of the energy from methane derived from algae only 0.7 acres. The methane from algae sure sounds like the better deal if you ask me.

I have seen a lot of good things come from algae and have actually spent a year working with a species of algae, Thermatoga n., for a senior project. I believe algae, as a whole, has lots of potential as an energy source, especially if it is combined with wind and solar energy generation. Perhaps, I should not have thrown out the plans to that power plant that obtains energy from solar panels, wind turbines, and massive algae tubes. Well have a good weekend.

Steady As She Goes

Work has become absolutely exhausting over the past week. I am not sure if it is the increase of human activity within the office, the shifts in responsibility, or the recent lost of those who actually do their work and care to extend their hand to help out with other problems. Whatever may be the cause, I have the feeling that this change has the potential to affect me the most of all.

Recently, over the past 4 weeks, three very prominent, hard-workers have quit from my division. While these three were here, the work load plus any other miscellaneous inquiries, which happen to filter towards us due to people not answering their phones, were easily control and distributed between the four of us. But now, as the third and final closes out his last day, I can already feel the pressure of handling all that was covered between the four of us.

The work load, to be honest, is actually not too bad, at least for the moment. The thing that is getting to me has to deal with all the projects and issues that could easily be eliminated by increasing the productivity of the management in my division. There just does not seem to be the leadership, development, and the promotion of overall morale that one would expect to find in an office with such an important role to fulfill for the inhabitants of this state. No one seems to care about professional development, that it be their own or others. Everyone seems to push on any issues of a project on to whomever they can find if they are not responsible for that project in question. All everyone seems to want to do is the bare minimum and spend the rest of their day talking. No wonder, they can’t keep young professionals there, especially those who are looking to expand upon their professional career.

Now, I am not saying the whole office is in this slump, perhaps not much of it is at all, but it just seems that way and is extremely frustrating. I try my best to help people out; I always tell engineers, that I will see what I can do, find out, or work out for them. It is just frustrating that I really have no one to look up to for advice, guidance and support. I usually can handle most of it myself, but it would be nice to have someplace to go for reassurance and more knowledgeable opinions.

The other week, I participated in a conversation with people from three different generations. (It was a very interesting conversation to be apart of, to hear the opinions of such different people.) There was one comment from one of the older men that relates to what I am experiencing at work, that being “our society is turning into a recreational society.” I thought it was funny how easily and quickly I related this comment to the environment of my office.

Well, I will just keep trying to do what I am doing. Push myself to raise the bar as much as possible. I was thinking that I could ask to start doing more cross training, expanding my possibilities. Who knows though, I will see where the next year takes me. Hopefully, I will take and pass the fundamentals exam, take the GRE and apply to grad school. Right now, my job seems to be nothing more than a dead-end which I must not allow myself to get stuck in.