Mephitic Palavers

"What a man thinks of himself, that it is which determines, or rather indicates, his fate."

-Henry David Thoreau

For the past two years, my life has been in a constant state of flux. From one idea to the next, my mind wanders between endless deserts of change in a search for some great unknown. Where is it that I am going? When will such a hunt end? What will ultimately be that which will define me?

I started back to working on websites this weekend. There are two sites that I would like to complete and running live by the end of September. The first one, the site I have made the progress on, is lugubrious-delirium.com. This is my personal homepage.I am trying to develop a theme similar to a mental asylum, an institution of my mind. I plan to have this serve as a personal web portal and a tool to fully explore the contents of my mind. The second site I would like to complete is the alumni association site for my college fraternity. This second should be much simpler and need little to no updates once it is fully functional and online.

Another thing that I have been occupying a good bit of my time with is reading. So far this year I have probably read more books then I have in the last 10 years combined. Most of the books have been soft and social sci-fi books, which I absolutely love, and a few have been straight science books, for example on space, physics and zombie survival. One of the science books I have recently read has made a huge impact on my life. It has convinced me to take better care of my body by exercising regularly, eating healthier and taking heap of various vitamins. I do fell better physically than I have in recent years.

There are a few things that I would like to spend more time on, that mainly being writing. I feel that if I ever want to fulfill my dream of getting a few novels published, I need to start devoting more time to perfect my art. At least my new system of daily to-do lists seems to be helping me allocate the necessary attention to what I would like to accomplish. I just need to be responsible and avoid those nasty time sinks as much as possible.

Renascent Defenestration

"Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town."

-George Carlin

Achievement is the irreproachable demon that stimulates my mind into its internally generated, hormone induced addiction. I wallow in these desires of attainment, mastery and accomplishment. I devour them one by one, always indulging, never to part. I use them to countermand my insecurity of nihility.

I have reverted back to using a daily to-do list, both at work and in my personal life. So far, it has helped me remain on task and has helped me in developing a manageable routine. It has also brought the discipline of time management back into my life, a much-needed practice due to the mounds of work, hobbies, and interest that I would like to partake in. As for these lists, I think they will be good for me as long as I remind myself that they are not designed for the enjoyment of completing such lists but for the guidance and motivation of doing what I need to do or what I enjoy doing. As long as I can accomplish this, my need for such lists will remain at a healthy level.

As my blog notes, I have not allocated much time to writing. I try my best to do so but ever since I started my daily study sessions of all the mathematical theories I have be introduced to since I learned to count, I have found it harder and harder to sit down and enjoy writing or to write at all for that matter. Now this may be because my mind is mentally drained from hours of intensive calculations, but perhaps it has to do with the struggle between the left and right portions of my brain. I would probably think it was the former rather than the latter. All I can do is allocated some time to write and if I can at that time, do so and if not, perhaps another time.

Other than trying to be the dictator of my time, I have enjoyed a few rather welcomed changes in the month of July. For instance, I know only work 4 days a week, resulting in repetitive three day weekends. Hooray for no work on Mondays. Oh, I also visited the fine state of California, which was much better than actually being at work. That was a nice little break. There were a few other enjoyable things about these past few weeks but I can’t seem to put a finger on them.

I am still trying to improve my lifestyle. I have continued my running program, I can now easily jog three miles and can run a mile in under 7 minutes if the need arises. I am still trying to gain control over my eating habits that is eating healthier and less. Although it’s been hard, I think I am making some good progress. I wish I had the accessibility and the funds to switch to a strictly Japanese diet; their food is so delicious and nutritious. Perhaps one day. Also, I think this book I have been reading has convince me to start subjecting my body with a daily onslaught vitamins. Especially that which improves brain functions and slows down its unavoidable degradation. I also need to find something that will impede this unwelcomed hair loss.